Joy & Pain, Sunshine & Rain

I live for sports. I eat, sleep, drink, breathe for sports. I've always been a sponge for knowledge, ready to learn all about the next thing that puts my interest in a choke-hold. But when it comes to sports, I have a tendency to start acting like a possessed Venus fly trap in a little shop of horror; FEED ME! FEED ME! I've sampled a lot of sports in my day, but mostly the major ones. I played baseball from the time I was pushing 3 feet in height till I was in high school. I got my first taste of tackle football my freshman year in high school and I stuck with it through graduation. Basketball is my favorite recreational sport and I play it regularly to this day. I'll admit, I don't do hockey. I'm not a cold weather brotha. I was born and raised in this dry heat and most significantly, have you seen my skin? I'm Mexican! My people are tropical folk who weren't built for cold weather. So, to play a sport where you have to wear a "sweater" just doesn't sound appealing to me. Nothing against it, cause who doesn't like a sport where they let you fight, it just ain't my cup of tea. As time and age has forced me to progressively move toward watching more sports than actually playing them, I've developed an eye for learning more about the games themselves. One thing that has never ever changed in sports is that there's always a winner and loser. At one point or another we have all experienced that intoxicating thrill of victory and that agonizing crash of defeat; weather its in playing on a team or cheering for your favorite team. In sports there's joy and pain, sunshine and rain.

I've been really enjoying my time as a derby blogger over the last few weeks. I've got a few solid posts under my belt and by this point I hope that my readers understand my M.O. I got my first taste of backlash on a few posts I've written over the last week. I've gotten a lot of pats on the back for what I have created here and there were a number of people who may not have liked what I had to say. Both positions are understandable. So in case you're not quite sure what it is I'm trying to do here, lemme break it down for you.

The number one reason I started this derby blog was because I love to talk derby. I love it. As humans we learn so much through conversation and when I write these blogs, I write them in a conversational tone. Those of you who know me well can tell that I write almost exactly the way I speak. So this is where I get the chance to let all the things in my head out and share the way I think about this sport. Four years of undergraduate study and three years of law school have probably made me more analytical than I want to be, but that time as equipped me with ability to see things from each side of the fence. I analyze EVERYTHING and often times it makes me (and Lady Lawless) crazy, so to speak on it not only gives others the opportunity to learn how I think but it's also a form of therapy for me. My head is just bursting with derby and I have to get it out before it explodes. And quite frankly, I would much rather click to this blog and read my thoughts at my own leisure than to get caught up in a conversation with myself, because even I can admit that I can go on and on and on, and on.

The other reason I started this blog was because I wanted the fans to see the sport from a unique point of view. I think I can bring that. I have a lovely lady who's involved heavily with the sport and plays it like a boss. I coach one of AZDD's teams and at the moment there is no one else that stands in the same position that I'm in. Most importantly, I'm a man involved in a sport for women and I bear a slight influence on how the game is played, at least on my team. Though there are parts of the game that can be seen the same way by man or woman, I see this sport from a much different angle than almost anyone else involved.

Finally, I wanted to give my readers an uninhibited view of the game, maybe one that no one else has tried to provide before. In any type of sports commentary, which is what I'd like to consider this blog, there are going to be times when you get the thumbs up, and there will be other times when you get the thumbs down. This rings true for both the athlete's performance and the writer who comments. I know what it feels like now to be praised for the things I say on this blog, but more importantly I know what it feels like to be called the bad guy for saying what everyone else was probably thinking. I got into a great dialogue with one of my closet derby family members and I'll share with you what I expressed to that person.

Its regrettable that the things I say on this blog may make people feel bad, but I'm just giving my honest opinion, be it good or bad, welcomed or rejected. I can appreciate anyone that challenges my statements and I'll give you mad respect for speaking up. There's a little comment box at the bottom of every post I leave so if you don't like something I said, I would love to hear why. Sincerely. Give me your side of the story. These are just my opinions that I share so if you'd like to share yours with my readers as well, comment your heart out at the bottom of every post. Let them hear what YOU think. Shit, I would love to think that my commentary can start conversation, but even I don't give myself that much credit. I'm just a guy talking on a blog that I made myself. I'm really no different than that guy on Mill Ave that stands on a milk crate and makes crazy talk through a bullhorn because he's been standing in the sun too long in his black trench coat. My blog site is my milk crate and this keyboard I'm typing on is my bullhorn. Am I an authority on roller derby? Pffft! Uh, hell no! A majority of the skaters in this league could school my ass on that track. I'm still learning about the fundamentals and the intricacies of this sport every single day. Even I think what I'm saying here isn't all that important in the grand scheme of life but I like to put it out there, I'm having fun doing it, and by all appearances people are reading it. That's a choice that all of you make. If you really really don't like or care for my opinions, then you don't HAVE to read it. It won't hurt my feelings. Click here if you'd rather read something warm and fuzzy. But I love and appreciate that you're reading my words, whether you agree with them or not.

I don't show up to watch girls in fishnets and booty shorts wrestle with each other on roller skates. I enjoy watching the sport of derby and dissecting it. As a coach, I enjoy empowering my skaters with strategy and confidence in their skills. I don't see derby girls out there anymore, I see athletes. I like to share my thoughts in a manner that may lead others to view this as I do, as a serious sport, not just a game for girls. And I like to do it with some humor so its at least a little interesting. As such, I think its fair, if not an obligation, for me to analyze both sides of the coin and I accept that feelings may get hurt. But its not my intention to make anyone feel bad or to degrade anyone's abilities. I want all the fans out there who read this to respect the athletes and their sport the same way I do. Sure, I could write all day things like, "Oh man, and did you see those Scrappers out there on Saturday flashing the crowd their asses after every rotation of the track? I'd sure like to pay for some time on one of those asses! Wink*wink." But that's not what I'm here for. I'm here to write about the sport and to explain what about Ellie Mayhem, Vanessa Velocity, Lady Lawless, Lora Stabbs, and Red Rocker makes them great athletes in this game; about how and why things happen the way they do on the track. On that same coin, I'm also here to talk about derby from a critical point of view. I won't deny that for a moment. I'm not here to spew hate all over my derby family, I'm just here to be honest about them. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

So lets recap:

1. I love to talk derby.
2. I offer a unique point of view.
3. I want to expose derby to readers in a honest and balanced way, offering both praise and criticism.
4. If you don't like it, that's cool and please tell me why.
5. This is a serious sport with injuries and all, I want my readers to appreciate it and the athletes the way I do.
6. I like to crack jokes and have fun while I'm doing it.

One thing I've learned in the last week is that controversy breeds interest. I had a skater solicit opinions from friends about something I wrote about her. Within that 24 hour time span I had more traffic on this blog than I had on all of my blog posts combined. The statement I made was taken out of context, but that kind of data could be enough to tempt me into a tone of cynicism, ridicule, and down right nastiness if I was only interested in the number of readers to my blog, not the quality of the content I provide. I want to give my readers something interesting to read and sometimes those that I write about may have to endure some rain, but for the most part, I'm here to shine a different ray of sunshine over this sport that may help people see it a little differently than they used to. I love this game and the people involved. Loving something isn't all about the warm and fuzzy, sometimes a little tough love is involved. And like sports, love is no exception to the concepts of joy and pain.

If You Build It, They Will Come Vol. II

My adrenaline was running sky high. My head was spinning and static, like on a non-working tv channel, was piercing my ears. I was indoors but strangely there was a breeze that kept running by that eventually elevated itself to what felt like a small tornado and I found myself right in the middle of it. Despite all this activity going on around me, I felt right at home. Don't be fooled; I'm not talking about that twister I was chasin' on my last trip to Kansas ('cause I've never actually been to Kansas). What I'm describing is what it feels like to be sitting in the infield of the banked track while a roller derby bout is happening. That's the vantage point on which I was able to witness the Runaway Brides take on the Coffin Draggers at AZDD's debut bout. Lady Lawless and I had the fortunate circumstance of being asked by the Brides to be their team managers during the bout since the Bombshells had the night off. To say the least, its intense in there and watching a game right in the middle of the action is WAY different than watching it from the stands. You would assume there is a big difference, but you don't actually understand it until you're right there. I was constantly rotating 360 degrees to follow the pack and the action around the track. All eyes and noise from the crowd are directed right at you that it can be deafening. You can even feel the athletes skating by. All senses are involved when you're watching banked track roller derby from the belly of that beast of a track. I threw on my Karate Kid bandana which only signifies one thing: GAME TIME!

The posture of this bout was similar to that of the Beauties v. Scrappers bout. The Draggers had the edge in both roster size and experience. The Brides have experienced skaters that date back to their championship back in Season 3, but a good chunk of their team is a lot of anxious, new blood. Going in, my prediction was that the Coffin Draggers would take this bout, but I believed the Brides would make it a competitive bout. Right out of the first jam it looked like what I assumed may come to be true. Ellie Mayhem cut up the Draggers pack and took the lead jam with a healthy lead and it looked like we all might be in for a good fight. But once the Draggers got comfortable and set into their scheme it was the like the Brides were a guest in the Draggers graveyard.

The Draggers were able to keep the Brides' score low with their impenetrable defense. They owned the front of the pack with the triangle formation they were running and not only were the Brides' jammers having difficulty getting through it, but their blockers were having difficulty dealing with it as well. The Draggers jumped out to an early lead and they didn't look back. They lost a couple of key players to injuries in the first half of the bout. Mia Pow Wow and Angela Darkness, both Dragger jammers, appeared to have gone down with shoulder injuries. It was a shame to see these two go down because they're exciting players to watch. With these two players out, I thought the Brides might have a better chance to get back into it after every jam, but the Draggers had a few skaters step up and they just kept pouring it on.

I've already said enough about Cannibelle Corpse, but she did not disappoint and more importantly she didn't make me look like a fool for all the things I said about her in a previous blog. She delivered exactly what I would have expected from her. I wish that I could bottle the focused intensity that she plays with and feed it to my skaters. You don't get to many jammers out there who are willing to deliver a hit while they're trying to score points and that's one of the reasons I like her style of play so much. It doesn't matter to her that she's wearing a star on her helmet (when she actually puts it on ;-) hehehe), she will still try to punish you with a hit as she's skating by.

My standout performer of the night would most definitely go to Dr. Mary Lu Botomy. She did a clutch job at the jammer spot and I remember watching her routinely call off jams. On a number of those occasions I saw her take the lead jam away from a Bride jammer in the thick of the pack. She showed everyone in the building why having the lead jam is so advantageous. When you possess it, it can be a tool for total domination, or for sour demoralization. On one instance I saw Phenomenon approaching the pack with lead jam and DMLB was about 10 feet behind her. Phenomenon got caught in the pack and somehow DMLB found a lane right by her and her lace laden teammates to score 4 points, take lead jam, then call it off. I can only imagine what Phenomenon felt like at that moment. You just busted your ass all the way around the track several times, leading the whole way, and at the last moment you lose the lead jam and 4 points are scored on you while you skate off the track with none. What a demoralizer. That jam was a great display at a high level by DMLB of the physical and mental aspects of banked track roller derby. And lets face it, she's absolutely charming in that Go-Daddy commercial. I just want to put her in my pocket and bring her home and have her do advertising pitches for all the products I have in my refrigerator.

Don't ride off the Brides after this bout. If anything, if you saw what I was seeing, you have keep them on your radar. Not only do they have one of the league's superstars, but they've got some great blockers and their talent shows when they work together. Nothing evidenced that more than the first two jams of the second half. This was the only time I really saw the Draggers shook because the Brides were skating nice and tight and as one. They were able to get the lead jam on each of those jams and capitalized by scoring some points. Additionally, their pack did a great job defending the Draggers' jammer. Throughout the bout Iron Swede was doin' a bang up job as a Bride blocker. She didn't need to do anything amazing to stand out. You could tell that she was focused on executing the fundamentals of blocking. She stayed low and kept placing herself in the right place at the right time when the Draggers' jammer approached the pack. When it comes to blocking, the simplest and most effective technique is to just get in the way, and she did that well and with purpose. Defense is a huge part of this game now and to down-play it would be to undermine a majority of the athletes involved in this sport. From where I was standing, one of the most exciting defensive sequences of the bout was when Phenomenon defended Craven A. Cadaver, who was the jammer at the time, single-handedly for almost a complete rotation of the track. The make-up Craven was rocking was sick, but it had little effect in intimidating Phenomenon. I don't know if I was just hearing myself cheer, but it sounded like the crowd roared at the booty-blocking clinic that Phenomenon was putting on. Watching scorers accumulate points is fun, but its solid, aggresive defense that always impresses me and makes me stand up. These instances of defensive brilliance showed me that the Brides have the tools, they just need some more time to learn how to use them effectively.

As expected, the Coffin Draggers skated off victorious with a final score of 112-44. To be quite honest, while I was down there in the middle of the track the score was the last thing on my mind. Even though I was a part of all the action and activity that the outer rails on the track encompassed, there was a part of me that was in awe and I had to keep reminding myself that for this bout I wasn't a spectator. Its an awesome feeling to look into the eyes of the skaters and interact with them during the heat of battle. Its a humbling feeling to look up into the crowd and see all the faces looking toward you. One of the collateral effects of helping the Brides out for this bout was that it gave Lawless and I a dry run at how things go down on the bench. Its a comforting feeling to know that when I step out on to that infield next month to coach my Bombshells through there first bout of the season, it wont be my first time. I'll know how to respond to certain game situations and how to approach the refs when I feel I need to call their attention to something. I have to thank the Runaway Brides for giving me the opportunity to help out because not only did I have one of the best seats in the house, they gave me an opportunity to learn some new things about this game. The Brides were very gracious in thanking Lawless and I for what we did for their team, but I don't think they quite understand what they did for our team that night. We'll be better prepared come next month. So, thanks a million Brides!

The first bouts of the season had ended. As we started to tear down the track and I looked up at all the empty seats I began reflecting on the part of the evening that had just passed. I witnessed this league evolve. The bout production was clean and seamless. The crowds were bigger than any AZDD had seen in the past. The game was faster and more demanding of the athletes. When the Dames decided that they were going to move from flat track derby to banked track derby I knew their would be an evolutionary leap, I just didn't think it would be this drastic. The flat track days of last season are gone and though we still reside in the home we call the Coliseum, the debut of this banked track to the masses has proven one thing: We're not in Kansas anymore.

If You Build It, They Will Come Vol. I

We built it, and like the old adage promises, they came. And that's an understatement. Just like Kevin Costner tripped on those dead baseball players that stepped out of the cornfields, I was taken aback by the sight of all the people who stepped out last Saturday night to the see the Dames debut their banked track. I had no idea what was transpiring outside till about 7:30 P.M. when I got a text from my cousin that read, "Dude holy Fu**king sh*t. I've never seen this many people for derby. Three separate lines each touching the parking lot wow wow." He wasn't lying. The Arizona Derby Dames rocked the Coliseum last Saturday night with the Season 5 Opener and the official Banked Track debut. There is no more appropriate place for the Dames to call home than the Mad House on McDowell, because that's exactly what they made of it. It was a MAD HOUSE. By about 7:45 the first half of the first bout was almost over and after Rowdy Roulette jumped on the mic to stall for a bit the Dames decided to just let the whole mob in. Suddenly the seats filled up and the crowd got louder. It was electric.

This months double-header featured The Schoolyard Scrappers vs. The Brutal Beauties and The Runaway Brides vs. The Coffin Draggers. I got to see each of these bouts from different perspectives. One more intense that the other. The bout between The Brutal Beauties and The Schoolyard Scrappers was over before it even started. The shear numbers of the Schoolyard Scrapper intimidated ME and I wasn't even on the track. I was sitting way up in the nose bleeds! I prefer it up there because it gives me an eagle-eye view of the track and the action. You can see everything that's going on all across the track and no need to swivel your head back and forth and back and forth and back and forth as the action speeds by. It also gives me a great vantage point to analyze what scheme's each of the teams are implementing. Coach is always watching. The Scrappers owned the track from start to finish. It was a difficult game to watch and quite frankly, it didn't keep my interest long enough for me to even watch the final quarter.

The Beauties did have a few bright spots that should be nurtured as the season moves forward. First and foremost, gotta give it up to Pint Sized Punch, the Beauties skater who I believe is their brightest jammer. Her name is oh so appropriate and this was a breakout bout for her. She doesn't even reach 5 feet so she disappears when she's in the pack, but once she breaks through, her name is all the description you need. She's got a great handle on the track that attributes to her quickness and she has such a smooth and rhythmic stride. She looked like a gerbil on a wheel out there. Running, running, and running to get back to the pack. Keep your eye on this skater. She's gonna score a lot of points for her team this season.

Another surprise came from Tabby T. Bag (which is slowly becoming one my new favorite skater names; you can't help but grin a little every time you say it; its reminiscent of Heidi Salami; that name still makes me chuckle; I'm chuckling right now as I write this). I was impressed by how many times she was able to break the pack first and grab onto that lead jammer status, but unfortunately that's about as far as it went. Maybe its just her stride but just observing I get the feeling she hasn't completely gotten her skates under her on this new track. If she can refine that skill I think she'll have to worry less about opposing jammers catching up and taking lead jam away from her, which is what happened more often than not. What these two skaters showed us lends to the assertion that I made in a previous blog. In this new format, advantage goes to the smaller skaters. They can hit those holes in the pack much easier.

What further lends to that same assertion is how much trouble skaters like Brickhouse were having out on the track. She was a penalty magnet and that primarily has to do with her size. Elbows are a killer in this game. Illegal use of elbows is the penalty that stands out the most and will likely be called the most by The Regulators. Brickhouse's elbows stand above everyone so not only are they more visible, they're freakin huge! She could do some damage with those bad boys. I wouldn't want to be on the business end of one of her elbows cause when I stand next to her they're generally around the vicinity of my head. Shots to the head will score you some serious time in the penalty box and as we saw, enough penalties could earn you a trip to the dressing room for the rest of the night while your team bouts on without you. The Beauties had to send two skaters home early which put their already short roster in a world of hurt. My favorite jam of the bout was Red Rocker v. The Scrappers. Multiple teammates had to sit in the box that jam so it was her surrounded by plaid. It was entertaining to watch because what her skating in this jam said to me was, "Aw F**k it, I'm just gonna hit all you motherf**kers. You're stuck with ME for this next minute so come get some!" It was awesome.

The Scrappers were technically sound and they played an excellent bout. They stayed focused and implemented their system continuously and systematically. Their individual skaters practically disappeared out there because they were playing as one unit, like all of them were on a single pair of skates. They were able to dominate the high side of the track and create lanes for their jammers to get through. I admire so much the patience that Mizz Nashty shows when she's jamming. She's not an aggressive jammer in the pack but she waits for the right moments to move to the front. She utilizes her blockers intelligently and once she's made it through the pack, this former speed skater turns it on. My only complaint is that I kinda missed how she would slide her left hand along the floor to help her maintain balance and maneuver around the turns nice and low during the flat track days. It was vintage Nashty. She's had to ditch the Apolo Ohno impersonation for the banked track but its not hurting her at all. I remember a couple of jams where she was able to get through pack twice in the same jam; a double grand slam.

As I said, by the end of the second quarter the score resembled those of the Bombshells' bouts back in Season 3 at the Castle, so I stopped watching to attend to some other duties. Everyone in the building knew this game was over and even the Scrappers made that obvious when they put everyone's favorite bra-buster, Kat Von Double-Ds, out there behind the jammer line. Then I started to notice other skaters who don't normally jam put that star on their head. I can appreciate what the Scrappers were doing at that point. They had the game in the bag so I have to assume they were thinking several things: 1) Let's get our normal jammers off the track to eliminate the risk of injury to them. Why risk it when this game is already won; 2) There's no need to keep our top skilled players out there to run up the score on the Beauties, this game is out of reach; 3) Let's get some skaters out there to get their feet wet jamming in a bout. Never know when you might need someone to step up in that position so why not give them the exposure in real time; or 4) We put in the work early to make sure we win this bout, and now that we've handled business lets go out there and have some fun and give the fans something fun to watch. Any and all of these would have ran through my mind if I was in their position. They have the numbers to sit their better players and give those that don't get as many reps some more time in the bout. If this is the stance they took, I think its pretty admirable. The final score was 148-53.

The last jam of the bout paid homage to All the Way Mae, an AZDD founder who's been running the league. She announced that this would be her last bout and it caught a lot of league members off guard. I certainly never saw it coming. This banked track dream was something she worked towards for years and now that it was finally a reality, she's decided to hang up her skates. "Dream achieved, and I'm out this piece!" If I were in her position I would have stuck around for at least a little while longer to relish in the reality of the dream and watch it flourish. But who knows, maybe she has other, bigger plans. You can't doubt whatever her intentions are as she moves away from the game because look what she has created here. What we all experienced on Saturday was the manifestation of an idea that was in the minds of AZDD founders All the Way Mae, Prima Donna, and the two other absent founders. It was a pretty special night. ATWM knew all along that "If you build it, they will come." What we didn't know was that if we built it, we would have to watch her leave. Best of luck to her!

In my next entry you'll get to hear about my experience with the Coffin Draggers v. Runaway Brides bout where I got to witness the action from right in the middle of the track. Stay tuned derby fans, and thanks for reading!

Tick, Tick, Tick, Tenacity

If anyone out their can correct me on this, please do so, but there isn't anyone in this league that has more experience in this sport and on a banked track than Celeste. I think the words Celeste and Tenacity are synonymous. She's on a new team this season and as the Coach I can say that she is and will be an important piece to the Bombshells success this season. This skater used to OWN a banked track. Yes, she had her own banked track. I was joking with a Fresh Meat about this and she joked, "Yeah, I wonder what the tour of her house was like: here's the kitchen, this is my living room, this is the study, that's a banked track, and this is my bedroom." LOL. I'll be the first to admit that I was reserved about bringing her onto the Bombshells, but whatever doubts I had back then are gone now. She's proven her dedication to this team and we embrace her as if she's been on it forever. Of the three Bombshells that participated in the demo-bout, Celeste was the only one that got to get in there and jam. She had a few impressive runs as a jammer, especially one in which she fell out of the pack second to Dolly de los Muertos, but was able to pass her and attain the lead jammer position. We can all expect her to be a high scoring jammer. She's small, quick, and most of all, she's tough. If you've got streamers in your face, its because she's passing you.

The team's new Captain, Lady Lawless, has been steppin' up her game since last season ended. And I don't just mean after the Championship bout, I mean after the regular season when the Bombshells were eliminated from playoff contention. Most players and teams took a bit of an "Off" season, but not this skater. As soon as last season was over, she was already looking to next season because she was tired of losing. I know this because I was skating right next to her and often acted as a human hitting pad. We can all expect that same ferocity out of her that we were introduced to last season, and like I mentioned previously, she gave the crowd a little taste with that hit she put on Mighty Menace at the demo bout. She's a nagging blocker who causes trouble for opposing jammers and blockers. More often than not I hear the phrase, "GET LAWLESS OFF OF ME!" come from opposing jammers when she's on the track. She loves the contact. She craves it.

Look for Alkaline Trina to shine this season as well. She was bullied by just about every blocker out there last season. I remember countless times where she would get knocked to the floor at least three or four times a jam but was up and back in hot pursuit of the pack before anyone knew she fell. She never EVER gives up. She has NO quit in her. None, zero, nada, zilch. This new format makes her greatest strengths, speed and determination, exponentially dangerous.

With these three veterans, the Bombshells are gonna be a force this season. Be there when they explode.

*Tick*Tick*Tick*Tick*Tick*Tick*Tick.......

A Stab in the Darkness

AZDD's got brides with cold feet, pin-ups on roller skates, beauty queens with anger management issues, and school girls that get into playground fights. But the ones I'm really afraid of are the zombies with, well...being a zombie is a problem in itself. The Coffin Draggers are by far the best themed team and the skaters on this team capitalize on it very well. They're the most colorful group of dead people. Aside from the blood these girls have running over their faces and seeping from their eyes, some like Ginger Mortis rock some pretty mean make-up designs. If you asked them to stand next to each other you'd see hair color from pretty much ever part of the spectrum. Its pretty dope!

Lora Stabs the Dragger's Captain is one of my league favorites. She's a BOSS on the track and a cool-ass female off the track. A majority of this league has her to thank for the skills set they have. She's one of the league's head trainers so you know she's got the skill. She's a killer blocker with great form and can do some damage to other teams when she's wearing that star on her helmet. I didn't catch her as a jammer to many times at the demo bout, if at all, but I get the feeling she'll be filling in at that position as well. As of this point, there are few other skaters in the league who have had more time on the track than her, so I would expect that to show through this season.

Angela Darkness is a machine. That's what I think when I watch her skate. When she breaks away from the pack she consistently skates the banked track exactly how it should be skated every time. EVERY TIME. High on the straight-aways, Low on the turns. EVERY TIME! Consistent and methodical. Like a machine. Machine's also don't feel any pain and I imagine I would have been whining like a little girl if I had the kinda rash on my leg that she had on hers. No signs of that from her. And I've experience mild versions of rink/road rash myself. It sucks. No thank you.

One of the most physically impressive plays I've seen in this league was at the State Fair Demo Bout in November. The Draggers were playing the Brides and they were in the midst of a jam when I saw one of the Brides' jammers in stride away from the pack. Next thing I realize, I see a Dragger with a star on her helmet come from behind and with perfect timing lined herself up next to the Brides' jammer and plowed her body right into her legal hitting zone. And all in one stride she sent that jammer to the floor and kept on chasing after the pack. Everyone in the Coliseum stood up and cheered. I stood up and cheered. As a fan you had to acknowledge that. The hit was laid by Cannibelle Corpse and it was like she skated by and gave that Bride some kind of zombie bite that sent her writhing in pain to the polished cement. She impressed me just as equally at the demo bout. She has the skills and frame to be solid triple threat. Most of all, when I watch the way she plays I have to assume that she's more that just an athlete, she's a very smart player. She knows the game. With a very impressive move in the last few seconds of the final jam, she scored some crucial points for the Teal team to seal the victory. I think that shows she has the ability to be a clutch player when the heat turns up in bouts to come.

I look forward to this bout. They got a great bunch girls on their team that have always shown with humility a willingness to work with the Bombshells. I know we'll have to work hard to fend off blockers like Venus Vendetta, Wendy O. Killems and Ginger Mortis, but I'll make sure my skaters know and do one thing to neutralize these killer zombies:

Always remember to double tap.

GANAS

You wanna know what the derby equivalent of 0-60 in 3.6 second looks likes? Well good luck! One of the newest additions to the Schoolyard Scrappers is Vanessa Velocity. She'll be that blur of blue plaid you'll see circling the track. She's been in the league for a while and won a Championship with the Runaway Brides in Season 3. She was one of the few skaters that impressed me and whose name I remembered after the first derby bout I ever walked out of back when they were played at the Castle. After watching her skate at the March 6th Demo bout, she is definitely going to shine even more than she did before under this new format. She has explosive power in the thick of the pack and unmatched speed and aggressive handling when she's circling the track. Her legs are like Ferrari pistons. They give her that quick burst when she's trying to get around defenders and once she's in the open they start moving faster, Faster, and FASTER. When I watch her skate, one word comes to my mind: GANAS. Ganas is Spanish for DESIRE and my Abuelita (grandmother) would always tell me to do everything I do "con ganas." It appears VV has the same mentality when she's on the track. I was surprised to see Mizz Nashty, who’s got mad skills herself, get out in front of her in a jam by almost half the track, but once VV made it out of the pack she caught up so quickly. Mizz Nashty had the awareness to call off the jam before either of them reached the pack the second time only a few feet apart. She's a blaze. No doubt the Schoolyard Scrappers are gonna be a force with the likes of her, Goody Goody Blooddrop, Mizz Nashty, and Jenna Talls starting behind the jammer line. These ladies are gonna have great support from Cruella DeMille who was doing an awesome job blocking at the demo bout. She has a wide stance that proves difficult to get around and when she lays her body on you, you're gettin' moved. So, don't fight it.

Much love to Rowdy Roulette, the Scrappers Captain. In my mind, no one in this league embodies the word "leader" more than she. She is a leader on her team and and within the league overall. She's a hell of a competitor and it shows through the team she has and the manner in which her skaters look up to her. I look up to her. She played an enormous part in making the banked track dream a reality and she deserves recognition. She's alway been kind to me and Lady Lawless and has played a big part in "raising" us in this derby family, whether she knows it or not. As a coach, I will NEVER admit this, but as a derby fan (which I am above all) I have to say that the way the Scrappers are stacked right now, they have the personnel to make a serious run at the trophy. As a coach, there will be at least one game where I can make that as difficult for them as I possibly can. Hehehehehehe..... I love competition!

Brand Spankin' New

Its like freakin' NASCAR, but without the cars, mullets, and Keystone Light! I'm talking about AZDD's brand spankin' new banked track. We got the first sample on March 6th of the kind of action to expect with the new hardware that the Arizona Derby Dames put together during the off season. As I understand it, when this league was started it was always the intention to be a banked track league. It was quite the experience to participate in and witness this labor of love. Everyone involved in the league got their hands dirty building that bad boy. There was this energy in the air last Saturday and nothing evidenced that more than seeing All the Way Mae smile more than I've ever seen her smile before. You could tell what bringing this dream to full realization really meant to her as a founder of this league. I'm privileged and happy to be able to say that I was a part of this milestone in AZDD history.

When I showed up outside Jobbing.com Arena for the free demo bout, seeing the track fully assembled in a parking lot was pretty surreal. It looked way bigger in that open space than it did inside the warehouse were it was constructed. I had intentions of video taping the bout but had no idea how I was gonna make that happen since their weren't any stands or bleachers that would give me that birds-eye-view of the track. Luckily, the moving truck that transported all the track's pieces was positioned just beside the track so I propped myself on top of it like my name was Ferris Bueller. I had the best seat in the house. Well, actually, I take that back. The best seat in the house was on one of the balconies of the hotel that overlooked the track. THAT would have been a killer view of the action. It was the best position I was going to get, however I was still a little disappointed because their was one corner of the track that I couldn't get in the shot. I have slight OCD tendencies that drive me crazy when things aren't complete. This was one of those situations, but 3/4 of the track was better than no track at all.

When the action finally got under way, I was like a Chex Mix bag of emotion.

The bagel chips are my favorite part of the Chex Mix. I usually fish for those first when I eat a bag because they're salty and crunchy and I like that. The way I feel about bagel chips is pretty similar to how I feel about this sport and its athletes. Bagels are cool and all, but I think they're WAY more cooler with a little salt and a crunch like they are in a Chex Mix bag. Same thing with women. Women are cool, but how much cooler are they when they take on that derby persona/attitude (salt) and are knocking over other girls (crunch) while whizzing by on skates. No, seriously, answer the question. How cool are they!?!?! Do you see what I'm saying here!? Derby Dames, bagel chips. I'm sure it didn't take this explanation for you to spot the similarities. I mean, isn't it obvious? My favorite part of all of this is the sport and the athletes. In my mind, those two always, ALWAYS, come first. I was crippled with anticipation for the first whistle to blow after the starting line-up announcements had completed. Once it did, man, was I enjoying me some bagel chips!

The Pretzel part of me had my nerves all twisted up inside because the last thing I wanted to see was someone get hurt. Even more so, I was really really worried about my Bombshells that were participating in this All-Star Bout. Half of our team is already sidelined with injuries at the moment and the team's better skaters, Alkaline Trina, Celeste, and Lady Lawless were part of the bout. Its been difficult as a coach to see your skaters drop like flies to injuries over the last two months and half of my healthy skaters were participating. I was nervous but I had to have faith that the training they had received over the last few weeks was sufficient to have them safe and healthy at bouts end. There was 1 notable injury and that was to the Coffin Dragger's Co-Captain Dolly de los Muertos. Found out later she suffered a strained neck and a concussion, but she's doing fine now. Let's hope we see her on the track March 20th. Heal quickly, Dolly! If you were at the demo bout, there was no question who would get the award for gnarliest injury, if you count rink rash as an injury, which I do. Actually, let me take a step back; I shouldn't discount Angela Darkness's injury by calling it "rink rash." It was road rash and there's no other proper way to categorize it. It was like someone cut a perfect circular hole in the back of her fishnets and stapled a piece of raw meat to the back of her thigh then sprinkled dirty bacon bits all over it. I think we all know who's getting the award for Best Rink Rash at Rollerbrawl 2010, and the season hasn't even started yet. And if one happens to turn up this season that rivals Darkness's, please don't show it to me. Just tell me and I'll believe you. The nerves took a rest after the first few jams. Everyone looked pretty sturdy out there. I was impressed with what I was seeing out of these skaters.

The nuts of my emotional Chex Mix was, quite simply, how nuts I was going over all of this! I, along with several hundred other people, were witnessing history. And I mean that on so many levels. As I mentioned, this was a great moment in AZDD history. I've heard stories from senior league members about how this all started and how dedication to this dream over the last four years involved significant time spent away from family, emptying bank accounts, and fallouts with friends within the league. So much sacrifice that I have only been able to get a taste of in my time with this league. And now, there it was; in the middle of a parking lot surrounded by loyal fans and topped with strong-willed women on roller skates. The dream was real now. Nuts! I have to speculate a little, because I haven't fact checked this particular assertion, but I have to believe that this event is significant Arizona history as well. There are only a handful of banked track league's in the country, and now one of them is in Arizona and AZDD was the first to do it! Double Nuts! I'm a home town boy, born and raised in the 602, so to be a part of (what I believe to be) AZ history doing something I love is pretty neat. AZDD events are organized chaos, and I think they like it that way. It lends to the mood and energy you can feel when you're at one of these bouts. You got the action on the track, the music blaring in the background, and Jasper and Alan on the mic feeding you the fun and facts about derby from the useful, to the random, to the mundane. My first thought at the first derby bout I ever went to was, "Holy shit, this is Nuts!" And I haven't left since that moment.

As for the Chex cereal part of that mix, I don't really even like that part. Its the boring part of the mix and most of the time I don't even eat it. I don't really like and eat Chex cereal and if I do my bowl is filled with 2 parts milk, 1 part cereal, and 3 (or more) parts sugar. Sorry General Mills, that cereal just isn't that great to me and trying to get it to stowaway into my belly with other, more delicious things like bagel chips, pretzels, and nuts ain't foolin' this guy. Its the boring part of the mix and quite frankly, their ain't much that's boring about derby.

Once the bout was said and done, all went well. It was a success. There was a slight scare heading into the 2nd half when it was thought the rain might force the bout to be cut short and we would have to disassemble the track in the rain. That would have sucked majorly, but luckily that didn't happen. We all got to see a full bout full of excitement. Below are some reflections as to what I observed atop that Budget moving truck.

This is a whole new game. In the flat track game, advantage went to the larger skaters. Their size and power was enough to bully any skater smaller than them. They were very effective in that part of the game. But on this banked track, its my opinion, that advantage goes to the smaller skaters. This game is more about speed and being light/quick on your feet than it was before. In the flat track game, if you were pushed out of the bounds of the track, you were still on the same plane as everyone else. But in this game, you're skating on an incline and if you're forced out of bounds, Lord please let it be the infield, because if its the opposite direction, you're either eating rail or flying over it. Ask Mighty Menace what that feels like. She was given a warm introduction to side rail #2 by Lady Lawless that led to the obliteration of her knee pad and a collective "ooooooohhh" buy the fans. It was vicious and legal, but Mighty got right up and skated on like a champ finishing the Jam with her traditional Rick Flair salutation "Whooooooooo!" Since there is less space to physically play on, the game favors the smaller quicker skater that can fit through the tight spots that can close up in an instant if you don't hit them right away. That same fact is what is going to make having strong jammers that much more important. I anticipate that the jammers will be the stars of this league looking forward. I'm not discounting the blockers by any means, they are all the more important to the success the jammers will enjoy. To draw on analogy, there's a phrase that says, "Defense wins games, offense gets the glory." This is true in most all sports. For example, in football, how often do you see defensive players in a post game press conference? Who is it that normally gets that face time? Quarterbacks, running back, and receivers. Offense gets the glory. That's what I mean in this instance. Blockers will win games, Jammers will get the glory. This is my prediction.

It was only an exhibition and it was the first of its kind in AZ, but based on what I saw, there are a few players that I would look out for as the season progresses. I still have to reflect on a few but I'll start with who I believe is the leagues #1 threat.

Ellie Mayhem - I'm pretty much intimidated by this skater. She doesn't say much. She just shows up, burns your ass on the track, then lights up a smoke and calls it a day. Watching her skate reminds me of a white stallion horse with skates on, ya know? Power, speed, and grace with that long white mane of hair flowing in her tracks. I couldn't quite get a read on her at the demo bout though. She was smokin' fools left and right, but quite honestly it didn't even look like she was trying. That's scary. She's got veterans like Phenomenon and Lex Mosh to support her which makes for a great core of jammers. Phenomenon was quite impressive in last seasons first round of the playoffs. She's been a Derby Dame for a while and took some time off, but came out of Fresh Meat and was able to contribute right away. What team doesn't want that from a fresh draftee? She was shut down by the Brutal Beauties in the Championship bout so I would look for her to come out with a vengeance this season. It seemed like Lex Mosh must have ate a can of Spinach at some point in the middle of last season because he skill set took quite a leap. She was suddenly faster, more aggressive, and that face she always puts on when she's jamming got meaner. After Stilleto Wheels departed, the Brides just didn't have the same posture as a team and Lex stepped up and played a big part in the Bride's push to the championship bout. That may have been what she needed to get her chance to shine. I look forward to watching her develop. She's a sleeper that the other teams will have to pay attention to this season, or they will get burned.

I was in awe at the demo bout so there's much I still have to say about the skaters. That'll happen after more reflection.

I have to give a shout out to the homegirl Gwen Steponya, Co-Captain of the Runaway Brides. She's was the inspirations I needed to start this blog that had always been an idea that I never acted on until I read hers. Thanks for the motivation, Gwen. She just started up one of her own that I find very entertaining. Make sure you check her blog here on Blogspot. Its called "Work in Progress."

See ya next time, derby fans!